What Do You Do When People Sing Happy Birthday to You?

My boss called me into her office from across the hall, asking if she could speak to me for a moment. Instinctively, I grabbed my notebook and a pen, and made my way in. A group of about 5 of my co-workers immediately burst into song. On the desk, there was a chocolate cupcake, and a card that various people from around the floor had signed. It was so sweet of them to think of me, and to put themselves through the potentially-awkward task of singing aloud in such a small group...

“Happy Birthday to youuuuu, Happy Birthday to youuuuu, Happy Birthday dear Laurennnnn…”

My eyes darted from person to person, I sort of clasped my hands behind me, then in front of me, muttered “Awww”, sang along for a second before realizing that it was sort of silly to sing to myself, and ultimately just resigned to rocking side to side to the rhythm of the song, awkwardly waiting for it to conclude.

I witnessed this same exact fiasco 2 more times over the course of the next week: one woman at a restaurant covered her face with her hands the entire time her friends sang, another guy at a conference I attended just shook his head, put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground. When I mentioned the observation to a friend, she recalled how one of her own co-workers had simply broken into “conductor hands” and flamboyantly lead the group as they sang.

So, what are you supposed to do when people outside of your close friends/families sing Happy Birthday to you? The question is a particularly interesting one for me because I think it speaks to a much bigger irony: Why do so many of us (no matter how confident and comfortable we are) find it so difficult to relish in moments where we are the center of praise and outward appreciation? Especially when, often, that’s the very thing we seek, crave, and strive for…

Thoughts?

What do you do when people sing Happy Birthday to you?

Key Words and Phrases That Help Me Sound Smart at Work

Most of these I picked up by observing other people who sound smart and seem really well put-together in meetings, presentations or group discussions. I keep a page in my notebook specifically for them, and review them so that I can include them in my own verbal arsenal.

· When you find yourself getting ahead of yourself, instead of getting flustered or leaving out key details, pause and say: “Let me take a step back…”

· After you’ve given a presentation or offered your perspective or recommendation, say: “I’d love your feedback” or “I’d love to get feedback from the group.”

· When you have no idea what you’re supposed to do, or what (out of the millions of things on your plate) you’re supposed to do first, ask your manager: “What are our key priorities?” or “How should I prioritize the following X things that you need me to get accomplished?”

· When you’re confused, forgot to write something down, or can’t read your own notes/handwriting, say: “I just wanted to get some further clarification on what I heard/we discussed earlier...”

· When something is important, key or priority, use the phrase: “front-of-mind.” (eg: "Given the difficult economy, all employees should make finding ways to cut expenses front-of-mind.")

· When something is impactful, specifically an ad/image/visual element, use the phrases: “arresting” and “stopping power” (eg. “The image we’re using in the presentation is particulary arresting – it really has stopping power.”)

· When you really like something, use the phrase “heart for.” (eg: “Although I like both ads, I have the most heart for the one of the left because…”)

· When something is full, detailed or comprehensive, especially a schedule or conversation, use the word “robust.” (eg. “We had a very robust discussion about our 2009 go-to-market strategy.”)

What words and phrases have you picked up to help you sound smooth, sophisticated or just plain smart?

5 Things that Keep Me from Being Cranky at Work

I sit in a cubicle that faces a wall. I don’t have a window. Somehow although I spend the majority of the day just sitting at my desk, by the end of the day, I usually feel as exhausted as if I’ve been on my feet for hours. But lucky for me – and those who have to work around and with me – there are a few tricks and tools that I've found to keep myself upbeat at work.

1) Pictures of my family and friends. They’re all over the bulletin board and the wall in front of me in my cube. There’s one of me and my family in Rome, me and my best friend, Chas, at our favorite diner, a picture of my parents at a black tie event, an old black and white strip (the kind where you take multiple pictures in succession in a booth) of me and my mom when I was 7. I love these pictures not only because they remind me of fun, special times, but more importantly, they serve as a constant reminder that there’s a whole other life that exists outside of work.

2) A snack around 3 or 4pm. I usually eat breakfast around 9am, lunch at about 12:30 or 1. By the time I get to the later part of the afternoon, my energy can be super low. There have been times – especially when I’ve been dieting – when I’ve tried to simply plow through until dinner, but I’ve learned that it’s just not practical/fun to do that. My snack gives me something to look forward to. Some of my favorites: peanut M&Ms, a banana, a vanilla cone from the McD’s next door, or a black and white cookie (of NY fame).

3) My music. Playlist.com, Pandora.com, and even CDs loaded onto good old Windows Media Player are all great ways to stream music without having to constantly click between songs. Great songs enhance my mood and help me to push through the most mundane tasks (typing, organizing, etc.). I only keep one headphone in my ear so I can hear my phone and so that I don’t make myself inaccessible to anyone who needs to speak to me.

4) Walks around the block. When I started working for my current division, one of the first things I noticed is the fact that no one takes their lunch break. In previous functions, I often would meet friends or co-workers downstairs in our Café or outside at a local restaurant. And unless I had something pressing to work on, I would take the full hour. Now that the standard is to sit at your desk for lunch, I force myself to get up and go outside at some point during the day – even if it’s just for a quick lap around the block – to clear my head, get some air, get my blood pumping, etc. This has been particularly helpful during times when I’m frustrated by something going on in the office and need to call my Mom to vent.

5) Bringing my authentic self to work. When co-workers ask how my weekend was or if I have anything fun planned post-work, I don’t limit myself to canned, uber-conservative answers. Obviously, I don’t disclose any juicy, inappropriate personal details, but if I’m excited for a first date, or if I have dinner plans with my Dad who is often in town for business, I’ll say that. It’s never been in my nature to repress the things that I’m passionate about, and by letting people know what makes me happy, or what’s going on in my outside-of-work life, a part of my personality that wouldn’t otherwise come out, shines through. And as long as your sharing isn’t too personal, I find that some people (not everyone) really appreciate, can relate to, and feel inclined to open up to you more when they see that you take that approach.

What's in your anti-crank work arsenal?

Learning to Drink Again

During the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, one of my best friends had a massive birthday party here in the city. The DJ was great, old friends who were in New York for the holidays were in attendance for the festivities; it was proof that my friends and I haven’t grown up too much. Despite our jobs, despite the newfound professional demeanors, we still know how to have a good time. However, given that we weren’t particularly (ahem) “cohesive” at the end of the night – and after only a few drinks! - the party was also proof that we’ve actually gotten worse at drinking since college.

In college, I didn’t give it too much thought. Beer pong (Beirut) down the hall on a Wednesday night? Sure! Faculty Open House with open bar? I’m there! Weekend house party with Gatorade coolers filled with punch? Pass me a (clean) red Solo cup, please!
I drank what I wanted, when I wanted, and hardly saw or felt any adverse effect.

So, what happened?

In school, 1) I drank more frequently (there were parties, open houses, and other free liquor-laden events almost every night of the week), 2) I ate more regularly and abundantly (holler pre-paid Dining Hall), and 3) I could sleep-in anytime I wanted (I never chose a class that met before 10am, and sometimes even those lectures got skipped). Now, life’s quite a bit different. It was fine to throw on my sweatpants, pick a chair in the back of lecture hall, hoodie-hood up and Nalgene in-hand, when all I had to do was show up for class. Now, I don’t drink as often, don’t eat as much, and a meeting with a client or with senior management, however, is no place for even the slightest hint of a hangover.

As I approach 2009 and reflect on some of the things I learned last year, I’m reminded of how important it is – as a real grown-up, with real business, real ambitions, and a desire to be taken seriously – to understand some key “rules” for drinking in the real (post-college) world:

1) Eat, darnit! Stress at work, no time between meetings, the expensiveness of Midtown meals -- all factors that have contributed to my inconsistent eating habits. Some days I eat full meals, some days I don’t. On days when I know I’m going out for drinks, I absolutely need to eat.

2) Red wine makes me go to sleep. In the cab on the way home – or sooner. Classy, professional-seeming and delicious as it may be, red wine also makes me incredibly tired. If I’m out with people and expected to hold conversation, I’m much better off avoiding this option.

3) Less frequent drinking means a lower tolerance. Most weeknights – and frankly, a lot of weekend nights, too – I’m so exhausted from working that there’s nothing I’d rather do that plop down on the couch to watch TV with my roommate, read or sleep. Just because at one point in time 3 drinks was my threshold doesn’t mean that 3 drinks is my threshold now.

4) Drinking isn’t about getting drunk. RIP Long Island Iced Tea. In college, a lot of people drank for the sole purpose of getting completely out of control. In the real world (in most companies/industries, at least) no one claps you on the back with congratulations if you come into work or show up for a meeting, non or semi-functional and looking like death because you hit it too hard the night before. Having a nice buzz is great. Drunk means I took it too far. Some of my best nights out have been those that involved drinking a glass water in between drinks and steering clear of the strong stuff, so that I was left with a subtle, comfortable buzz that was tapering off by the time I was ready to head home.

5) Drinking isn’t the only way to socialize. “We should grab a drink sometime!” When friends or co-workers suggest going out for drinks after work, I’m often coerced into going (and thus drinking) simply because I want to socialize or, even if I don’t, I don’t want to seem anti-social. Truth be told, though, I usually don’t counter their requests with other suggestions. Coffee, cupcakes, even quirky candy shops are all other examples of equally arbitrary alternatives that I’ve enjoyed with friends.

What about you? What key drinking lessons have you learned post-college?

Putting On My Contact Lenses - Guest Post from Ernesto, my college thesis advisor and friend

Guest Post from Ernesto ("Dr. E"), my college thesis advisor and friend.
I thought this was particularly insightful - enjoy.

Putting on my contact lenses

The larger tasks that need to be done overwhelm us all sometimes. Common ways of reacting is procrastinating until the last moment. You know, the moment when it "absolutely needs to get done." Of course, being over achievers the tasks DOES get done, just not how we wanted it. We spent all night doing it, we missed special/important events (and, as a result, let some people down), or we drank more caffeine in those last days than the entire week. The important thing, we think, is that we got the task done. "I'll do it better next time," we say to ourselves. But, the reality is, that unless we don't have someone pushing us towards it, well, it's hard to change the habit.

Let me provide an example. Today I woke up and I did not feel like facing the cold New York day that awaited me. I was supposed to go to the gym, do 3 sets of squats, 3 sets of dead lifts, jog for 30 minutes, and do sit-ups. "That's not the bigger task at hand…getting to work and staying awake at work is," I told myself. "This can wait for after work," I convinced myself. So, I snoozed the alarm and went back to sleep for another hour. The alarm rang, and I was up and was suppose to get ready to go. Then, all the sudden, I panicked. The bigger task at hand, going to work, all the sudden overwhelmed me. I did a mental check off list of all the things I needed to do: shower, wash teeth, put contact lens on, iron shirt, brush hair, decide what shoes to wear, and what scarf to wear, etc. The more I thought about it, the more the list kept going. And, the bigger task, which seemed so simple from the beginning, now became an impossible thing to do. Since I have the option to work from home, I felt I could skip everything and just go right to work in my pajamas. The bigger task would be complete, I thought, and that would resolve everything. But, I chose something different.

"Okay, what do you need to do NOW to get to the larger task done?" I asked myself. Putting my contact lens was the obvious one (I can't see without them). And then, something "magical" happened. Everything started coming together. I was ready to walk out the door. But, then, I remembered that I forgot to eat! "There are several carts in NYC where you can pick up a bagel," I told myself. "You can forgive yourself for missing one thing, and it will cost you $1.50," I told myself and checked my wallet to see if I had the exact change (I couldn't waste time now).

Sometimes the larger tasks seem overwhelming because of our focus on the little things. If you start on the smaller and easy tasks, the larger task becomes easy to do. Doing the smaller tasks also lets you feel productive. And, most importantly, once you figure out that you CAN do this task at a faster pace, the larger task starts to come together.

My biggest task was probably my Ph.D. dissertation. The more I thought about it, the more I would overwhelm myself. Sometimes, time will help. But time can be tricky if there are no deadlines. The bigger tasks are sometimes easier to NOT pursue, and one learns to conform. Never conform, live up to the challenge, and be ready for the next big challenge one once you have accomplished the bigger goal. As for me, I will go to the gym after work...

DrE